It’s been way too long, I sigh, as I look at my phone screen and keyboard and journal. Way, way too long since I penned any words worth reading. The majority of my thoughts have been a neurotic record that keeps skipping and catching. There is no reprieve. There is no solace or comfort. There is no escape.
The problem with your thoughts is just that. They are your thoughts, and it’s impossible to escape them – to escape the daily torment or daily uplift they bring. There’s no quieting them. They are incessant, resilient, with a refusal to shut down.
No matter how many times you try and convince yourself these thoughts are wrong, they come back with a vengeance.
And it’s rather unfair. See, all I want is a simple moment’s silence, to catch my breath – as I’ve previously termed it. There is no silence.
There are words and images and memories and possibilities and what ifs. Regrets and mistakes and scars and heartache. But no silence.
I think it’s like a busy street, with no break in the traffic for you to cross. Faster and faster the cars come, and it seems impossible for you to be able to cross without walking up to the traffic lights, where you are meant to be, for that moment where it all comes to a standstill and it’s safe to go.
Because, that’s really what it is – a fleeting moment in time where things come to a standstill and you have a second to breathe while crossing one street. Never mind the fact that the crossover traffic is still going, and their noise is still loud and crowding. And while you’re crossing, and the cars are moving alongside you, you are politely ignoring them, with the sole mission of making it to the other side unscathed.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we’re so caught up in focusing on all the variables, all the what ifs and regrets and heartbreaks and possibilities, that we forget to ignore them with our goal in sight. They are the crossover traffic. They’re insignificant in our crossing from one side of the street to another, but one wayward thought, uncontrolled and out of hand can throw us off.
Focus on the goal, be aware of the surroundings. Perhaps just be alert to the pending thoughts that could come flying at you any second. At least that way, we are prepared to run, or face it – head on.
This doesn’t make much sense in the slightest, but I will post anyway, because I truly do feel like this analogy works.
image via tumblr.com